love makes seman taste better
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
