please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Randomize
