I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
