Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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