Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
