you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
