My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
