1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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