i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
