Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
