i was rollin on her like bob the builder
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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