Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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