I must be too annoying 4 u.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
