And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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