Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
