haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You're like the curious george of whores
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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