i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
