Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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