Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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