Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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