I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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