I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
