If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
