I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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