So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
