Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
