I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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