areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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