Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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