he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
