I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize