My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
