haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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