i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
