You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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