I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
