i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
