from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
