Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
