I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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