I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
