You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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