i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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