so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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