I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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