I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
