Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
