I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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