You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
