i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
