Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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