1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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