3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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