wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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