Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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