plz talk dirty to me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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