Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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