What did we do last night that was yellow?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You ate ashes out of my bong
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
