I could make wine with my vomit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
