Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
