..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
