It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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