i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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