He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
whose parrot is this?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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