then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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