best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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