The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have fence marks all over my body
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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