are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
