I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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