how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
