i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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